Beware of Ego Enhancing Self Praise

By Dr. Russ,

Wednesday is “Just One Thing Day;” the day I offer up the Optimism Tip of the Week. 

Once Upon a Time I Played Baseball

I was playing right field on the Junior High baseball team.  I really wanted to play 1st base.  According to the coach, my talent level qualified me for right field only, at least on that day. 

To his credit, he had tried me at 1st, but I now had three strikes against me: 1) I am right handed (left handed first basemen can make a quicker throw to second for a double play), 2) I was a tad slow (not unusual for first base), and 3) I had made some errors recently at that position. 

Nevertheless, my ego was feeling a little bruised for being placed in right field.  I thought to myself, "right field is for the poorest player on the field."  I also told myself that I should be grateful to have started and to be playing all.

The Game Action

The opposing team’s first two batters had gotten on base.  Suddenly a fly ball was coming my way.  I thought, “I can catch that.”  “Just get under it, keep your eye on it and squeeze when it gets inside your glove.”  Sure enough, the ball entered my mitt and I held on.  My first thought was: “Wow, I made the catch, I am good, I am pleased with myself!”  Then I heard teammates yelling at me:  “throw the ball, throw the ball.” 

Too late, the players on 1st and 2nd had already “tagged-up” and advanced to 2nd and 3rd.  I threw the ball to the second baseman to hold off further advancement.  I could see the coach shaking his head.  My good feeling disappeared into one of; “I messed up again.”

Coach’s Wisdom

After the opposing side was retired, the coach came up to me and said it was clear I was congratulating myself for the catch and not thinking about the next action that had to be taken, i.e., throw the ball to the infield to hold the runner’s at 1st and 2nd.

The coach was right.  I was amazed that he could tell what I was thinking.  To do well in any position in baseball, the coach told me I need to think through all possibilities of what could happen if and what I will do next before it happens: “If this happens, then I do this next.”  No time for self congratulations until the play is completely over or it is the end of the inning or game. 

Reflection Back

As I reflect back on this situation, I realize that my self-congratulations was born of low self esteem, a bruised ego over the “right field” assignment, and clearly it interfered with the proper execution of the task.

Optimism Tip of the Week

• Self praise to boost the ego is born of pessimism, self praise to boost task focus and accomplishment is born of optimism.

Task focused self-praise is external and detached from the self.  Had I been task focused, I might have said something like this to myself:  "I caught the fly ball and immediately threw to 2nd base to hold the runners; nice to see the runners on 1st and 2nd rather than 2nd and 3rd." 

Notice how the praise is externally focused towards the task result and not internally towards the ego’s need for self-aggrandizement.


Job Search, Lottery, Discouragement and Travels with Charlie

William Henry Nurmi II has a bachelor’s degree from Michigan State University and a MBA from the University of Phoenix. Bill has a background in operations management, logistics, and sales. Bill is an avid bicyclist and is a volunteer on the board of directors at the Mission of Hope Cancer Fund. He lives in Lansing, MI and is currently seeking new employment while serving as a Post-Graduate and Career Transition Fellow of Optimism with Moment-to-Moment Enterprises.  Bill’s Fellowship project entails writing about optimism and providing advice and consultation on marketing, sales, and new program development.  Today’s post is the twelfth in a series that Bill is writing under the title: “The Diary of a Struggling Optimist.”

Preface by Dr. Russ: In today’s post, I see Bill writing about the “nuts and bolts” of his job search, very much focused on “doing the next right thing.”  However, Bill’s “optimism” continues to be challenged by rejections and lack of responsiveness.

• My suggestion to Bill is to try to view this job search process as a journey; a “road trip.”  On any such trip we are going to run into unexpected “traffic jams,” detours, foul weather which might, at least temporarily, interfere with our perceived progress. But the journey can be fun if we get off the “superhighway,” explore the back roads and off-beat towns, meet some interesting folks, even accept an invitation to dine.  All the while the applications keep going out, more roads explored, and somewhere along the way you will find a landing place; perhaps somewhere you hadn’t even previously explored on the internet.  Meanwhile, those rejections just become another opportunity to explore a different highway and town.  Maybe it is time to re-read Steinbeck’s classic memoir, Travels with Charlie.

Job Search Can Feel Like Playing the Lottery

Well, since the last time, I am feeling pretty good about what I have going on.  I have certainly had some activity to keep me focused.  Resumes have been sent out to a few more companies.  I am sending out resumes like they are sweepstakes mailers or something! I have taken a note card and made a list of the companies; this way I can check them off if and when I hear anything from them, thus ensuring that I do not forget whom I sent resumes to.

Taking a Virtual Tour

I have officially sent correspondence to two companies that are out of state as well.  The extra component to applying to these out of state companies is the need to research the area in which they are located.  If I am asked to drive an hour to interview for a position here in Michigan, it really is not that much of a time or financial commitment so I can interview and leave most of the decision making to when an offer should come in.

This is not the case with out of state companies.  It makes me feel anxious when I send out resumes to these companies because I also have to log onto the internet and research the area a little to see if it is even remotely interesting enough to peak my interest.   As I check the restaurants, population, political climate, and the like, I try to make a decision right then and there of whether I would be happy there or not. 

I do realize that I will never know what a city or town is like until I get there, and whether I could make a life there or not, but I still over analyze it at the time.  Although I feel that I at least have to do some background research.  This way I do not spend a lot of time and money foolishly chasing a false dream, like a dog chasing his tail, that I would never seriously consider anyway just for the sake of feeling “productive”.      

Moments of Discouragement 

There were also some disheartening things that I had noticed this week on some of the job boards.

• I had applied for a position at a chemical company south of Lansing some many weeks ago.  This position was one that was, what I felt to be, at the higher end of my capabilities.  As a result I was excited about an opportunity to interview because I would really have to put my best foot forward and be sure I sell my capabilities.  I believe that I am capable and that I could definitely do the job, but it would certainly be growth for me!

• However, I never did hear anything back from them, at all. I now see that the SAME position is posted again.  Are you kidding me?  Not only did they not choose somebody over me who was supposedly better, they chose nobody without even giving me a chance to interview and now they are searching for candidates again! HELLO, here I am! Did anybody even notice my resume?

• Its things like this past event, jobs getting posted again, that give me fear about my financial security and what the future holds. If this is the way it’s going to be, the outlook IS bleak.

 Worst Case Scenario

• I have to fight the urge to just pick up a full time “gig” picking up cigarette butts on MSU’s campus, for the rest of my life, just to make ends meet.  This is of course an exaggeration, but you get the picture.

• I sometimes feel that I will end up accepting a position that is not very emotionally desirable and financially rewarding.  I know this is not going to be the case, but the thought does occur to me in a moment of optimistic weakness.

Rejection Comes in Different Forms

This was a new one!  Ok, get this: I sent a resume out to an individual who had posted a discussion on Linked In regarding an upcoming position.   I thought that the position was interesting so I looked him up and sent a resume and cover letter to him, as he was the HR recruiter.  I then received an email back from him that, based on my resume, he feels I am over qualified and that it would not be productive for us to meet…  ???  Really?

I appreciate the compliment that you feel I am so qualified, but how do we know it’s not a good fit before we even speak on the phone?  I would think that it would be easier to just ignore me all together, than to blow me off with a response like that.  I was not sure what to make of it.  Maybe I am just over analyzing it and he was not blowing me off at all.  Perhaps the position is one that really does not pay much and they feel it can be done by somebody with a lower salary requirement that what I had sent him.  

How to Accept Rejection

I suppose that I should be flattered that someone sees me as being over qualified for the position they are trying to fill.  Accepting compliments graciously is something that I have never been good at.  I am getting better, which will help me to perfect my daily learned optimism.

BN

Optimistic New Year's Resolutions for Professional and Organizational Improvement

By Dr. Russ

Today I talk about five more “Shining Moments of Optimism” to guide your New Year Resolutions.  Today’s “Shining Moments” are focused on resolutions to improve your business, organization, workplace or profession; optimistic resolutions that have the potential to improve not only your attitude at work, but your health and bottom-line.

Maturational Moment of Optimism

Resolve to recognize the wisdom you have gained in your profession or work in 2009 and to use it in 2010. Recall the age old story of the 21 to 23 year old son or daughter who returns home after a time away at college, a military stint, or other out of town assignment.  The now grown-up child says to the parent in a heart-to-heart conversation, “Gee Dad (Mom), you sure have gotten smarter in the last four years."  We all know who got smarter.  In my opinion, every year we are on this earth we gain in wisdom and insight.  As we enter 2010, it is time to take stock of that wisdom and make plans to use it.  Wisdom comes from a combination of knowledge, information and on-the-job experience that leads us to make better decisions, choices and judgments.

Correctional Moment of Optimism

Resolve that in 2010 you will increase your risk taking and mistake making so that you have more opportunities to learn and develop your business or professional competence. When I was in college and living in a dormitory, it was not uncommon to hear another student brag the he had gotten an A on a test without studying for it.  For some reason we all gave the braggart’s claim credibility and held him in high academic esteem.  Later on I learned what a bunch of baloney this claim was, as even the “academic braggart” had to put forth effort as course work became more advanced.  Bottom line:  In order to learn from our mistakes and be in a position to take advantage of a “Correctional Moment of Optimism” (a moment when you realize you made a mistake and take immediate action to correct it and get new future for yourself with respect to a particular task or goal), you must have put forth maximum effort.  Without maximum effort, one does not know what new skills, abilities, tactics, resources, or information is needed to make a successful correction plan.  Anything less than maximum effort is “self-handicapping.”

Me Moment of Optimism

Resolve that in 2010 you will take full, personal credit for your accomplishments in your work, business or profession.  In order to maintain maximum, continuous motivation it is necessary to recognize that your hard work, skill and ability made the positive outcome happen.  We often have a tendency to be humble and say to ourselves, “Oh, that was no big deal.”  I’m not talking about over-confidence and conceit here, just enough self-praise to keep the momentum rolling.  Giving ourselves a “carrot” works better than  the “self-chastising stick” and self-reinforcement, perhaps more than money, makes the business grow, the motivational engine “hum,” and ultimately the world-go-round.

You Moment of Optimism

Resolve to become hyper-vigilant about looking for the best in others.  It is an old adage that building on strengths is much easier than “shoring-up” weaknesses. In any organization we have a tendency to complain a lot about employees who are not producing, co-workers wasting time, rudeness to customers, bosses that do not give credit where it is due, and decisions contrary to our opinions.  That’s right, a tendency to blame others for “what is wrong in the organization and even the world at large.”  The “blame game” is a “YOU MOMENT OF PESSIMISM.”  If we look long and hard enough we can find positive attributes in even our most disliked coworkers.  Taking a moment to focus on these strengths of the other will allow for a more positive and productive work climate.

Backwards Moment of Optimism

Resolve to never give up, but always have a back-up plan.  Recall how often I have written in the last year about the importance of focusing on “what you CAN control” and NOT on “what you CAN’T control.” Recently, I have encountered several dozen individuals who are unemployed or laid-off, and who are starting their own businesses.  When I talk with these self-starting, entrepreneurs about optimism, I remind them that they do not control the ultimate success or failure of their business, but they do control “a million other choices” including effort, hours worked, networking opportunities, strategic planning, researching new ideas, and getting needed training.  I also remind them that they control their goal setting.  What do I mean by control over goal setting?  Optimists learn to set a range of high, low and moderate expectation goals, and are prepared to scale back expectations based on information and feedback.  Lowering expectations and having a “back-up” plan allow for continuous striving and are the essence of  “OPTIMISTIC GOAL SETTING.”

MAKE A COMMENT AND LET US KNOW WHAT YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS WILL INCLUDE.

Be a Boss Like Santa Claus

By Dr. Russ

Puppy Purchase

Some years ago a good friend of mine from my college years had come to visit me and my wife.  My wife and I had been married for about two years and we had just purchased our first puppy together, a miniature poodle.  We lived in a large apartment complex with a large grassy area surrounded by the apartment building; a nice safe place to let the dog run a bit while training her.

Puppy Training

I was training my dog to come to me when called.  As the dog ran around in the grassy area, I would call, “Here Cara, here Cara,” and she would dutifully come to me.  I would then say, “good dog, good dog” in a very cheerful voice while giving her a soft pat on the back.  The dog and I must have repeated this routine some 10 times in a thirty minute period.  Somewhere in the middle of this exercise, my friend asked: “Why are you rewarding the dog for expected behavior?”

Psychologist versus Political Scientist

Being a psychologist, I replied, “How else will the dog learn unless it is reinforced for expected or good behavior?”  My friend shrugged his shoulders not really understanding my reply.  I thought to myself, "Well, he was a political science major in college and I was a psychology major."  I also realized why he had never been able to train the three different dogs he had had since I had known him.

Dog Days of Organizational Culture

How does this dog story relate to human beings in organizations?  I have interviewed and consulted with hundreds of “bosses” over the last twenty-five years and well over 50% of them have given me the same answer above: “Why should I reward (even with faint verbal praise) an employee for expected behavior?”  Conversely, I hear very consistent complaints from employees that they do not like their boss because he/she is demanding and critical while rarely giving praise.

The Santa Myth

According to American myth, Santa Claus lives at the North Pole with his wife, numerous magical elves, and eight reindeer.  During the year he makes gifts and toys for all the children of the world who have been good. He keeps tabs on “who has been naughty and who has been nice.”  The nice ones get a gift or toy on Christmas Eve and the naughty one’s get a lump of coal.  Santa, the boss of the North Pole and Christmas Eve, is giving out praise for good or we might say “expected behavior.” 

Give Praise Like Santa

If you are a boss or supervisor, be aware that you can never give enough praise.  Employees and supervisees thrive on the gift of verbal praise.  Be specific: “Thank you for making that phone call.”  Realize no behavior is too inconsequential or unimportant for a little praise (e.g., washing out the coffee pot, taking mail to the post office, or just doing the expected).  You don’t need to spend the whole year making gifts to be delivered once a year;  you need to give the Santa, “HO, HO, HO and a thank you very much,” every day, multiple times a day.  Give this simple act of daily praise and you will have more productive, satisfied and OPTIMISITC employees than you could ever imagine. You will be building, praise by praise, an “Optimistic Culture” in your organization.

What do you think? Make a comment.