Have You Fallen into a "Bucket-of-Negativity?"

By Dr. Russ,

Sometimes we let the “bucket-of-negativity” consume us such that everything we look at is dark and gray.  In order to maintain optimism it is important to be able to avoid the “negativity bucket.” 

The best way to avoid the trap of this bucket to is to carefully differentiate one negative from another.  This way any negative simply fills a thimble, not a bucket.

What is the “Bucket-of-Negativity”?

A “Bucket-of-Negativity” is one that is full of pessimistic thoughts.

Pessimism is a belief about hopelessness and helplessness.  A “Bucket” fills with negative thoughts when we make a false generalization from one negative thought to conclude that our lives are negative and will continue to be so.

Hopeless and helpless beliefs convey “I can’t or I don’t know how to.”  Furthermore these statements have a certain permanency about them, i.e., “can’t now nor in the future.” 

When one does not see a way or strategy to accomplish a goal, one usually gives up or remains stuck in that negative situation – the bucket begins to fill.

A “Bucket-of-Negativity” is full of feelings.

Sadness is a feeling, an emotion.  I think because we describe feelings with words it becomes easy to confuse them with thoughts.  Feelings, unlike beliefs, involve some level of emotional arousal such as the “fight of flight” response or tears flowing freely from ducts in the eyes. Sometimes we can mistakenly label a state of arousal as in “tears of joy,” versus “tears of grief.”

Sometimes I hear someone misuse the “feeling” word and say, “I feel hopeless or helpless about such and such,” instead of saying, “I believe such and such is hopeless.”  Such individuals have misconstrued the meaning of a feeling. 

If we come to believe that, “I feel, therefore I am”, instead of “I think therefore I am,” we set ourselves up for a full ‘bucket-of-negative.”  We can learn to control our thoughts.  If we learn and accept that thoughts trigger feelings, we can learn to control feelings and keep the “bucket” empty. 

But if we let ourselves become awash in “uncontrollable” feelings the “Bucket” fills quickly and we can fall in.

Beliefs about hopelessness and helplessness are independent of feelings. 

I can feel sad about the passing of my pet without experiencing thoughts of despair, that life will never be the same without her, can’t cope. 

Instead, I can believe that life will be different, focus on the many good and happy times that the pet brought to my life, and perhaps look forward to getting another one.  I might find that living day-to-day life, for awhile anyway, without the encumbrance of tending to an animal’s needs is one less burden to bear right now.

I can believe that a situation is hopeless in that I know I cannot control it, cannot make what I would like to see happen actually happen. 

But, I do not have to cancel my picnic even when I know it is going to rain.  I can move the picnic inside, and still enjoy the camaraderie of family and friends.

Keep Your “Bucket of Negativity” empty by discerning thoughts from feelings.

One negative thought barely fills a thimble.  Negative feelings tend to flow unabated without the governor of thoughts.  The “Bucket” will fill.

Learn to differentiate thoughts from feelings.  Keep from generalizing from one negative thought to another.  Use your thoughts to keep your feelings contained to a “thimble-full” of emotion.  Put each thought into a different thimble.

Five Fears that Keep You Stuck in a Negative Moment

By Dr. Russ

Monday is Dr. Russ Busster Day.  Today I address the five fears that keep you stuck in a negative moment in the hope you can shed the fears and move to the positive side of the equation.

Fear of admitting to a negative moment

So many times we find ourselves not wanting to admit we are in a negative moment, because if we do, we will have to do something about it.  Acknowledging the negative and  doing something about it requires effort, energy, and possibly embarrassment.   Much easier to pretend everything is just fine.  “No worries.”  I wonder if that isn’t what Joe Paterno was thinking when he failed to follow up with his superiors after making the initial report of child sexual abuse.

Fear of saying we are hopeless and helpless   

In a series of studies conducted over two decades ago, psychologists found that those most in need of academic help were the least likely to seek it.  The students with a C or less were much less likely to go to an academic help session than students with a B- in the course.  It was concluded that the C or below students were much more likely to think of themselves as hopeless and helpless and to think everyone would think the same of them.  Thus they avoided what they thought was such a public display of helplessness.  Since the B students did not think of themselves this way they showed up in public to a help session.    

Fear of letting go of belief we can’t control a situation

The moment we admit we can’t control something is the often the moment we find a solution to the problem.  Why?  Because we had been focusing on what we couldn’t control when there were solutions to the problem within our control. For example, as I write this blog I am feeling a time pinch.  If I realize I can’t control time, but I can control how I use the time, I immediately stop being irritated and frustrated and get the words written.

Fear of  responsibility of the positive

Psychologists have found that many fear success, because one success leaves you with an obligation to succeed again.  We may not like all that pressure.  Thinking negatively allows you to hide behind pessimism and say the goal or task is impossible so why try and risk failing. Thinking positively puts us in the position of having to try to accomplish our goal in order to justify the positive belief, but also leaves us vulnerable to risk of failure.

Fear of being thankful for what we have

If we stop to take stock of our many blessings and be thankful for we have, have accomplished or been given, we may fear that is all we will get.   If we say, “Hey, thanks! That is just what I needed,” our needs are met and that may be all we get.  But in the “Land of More” it is not what we need that we want, but – More and More!!!!

Libyans and Democratic World Rejoice in Death of Evil

By Dr. Russ

In addition to standing up to and being resilient to major national and worldwide circumstances of life, as above, our optimism must also face the problem of evil.  Evil does exist and is seen daily in newspaper reports of serial killings, rape, murder, mass murder and exploitation and corruption.  Six million Jews were killed in Nazi concentration camps.  In the 1970’s 1.7 to 2.5 million Cambodians were killed by their own government known as the Khmer Rouge.  In the summer of 2011, a single gunman killed 77 people, over half of whom were under 18, in Norway.  The wars in the Middle East have been very costly to human life.  But, with Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden dead the only remaining and living personification of  evil was Moammar Ghadhafi.  The atrocities and oppression that he committed and ordered are the stuff of legend. 

Now that the Libyan rebels and NATO have fought the good fight and the wicked witch is dead, is it time to rejoice?  Certainly the Libyan people think so.  They are celebrating like the Jews did when David killed Goliath.

Now, if optimism is to truly prevail over evil then Libya needs a stable political environment and government.  We hope that the leadership vacuum will not result in the remaking of past mistakes allowing for another dictator to take control.

For most of us not in the military, these events seem far off and represent evil at a distance.  Evil is not dead, just one emissary of the devil has been knocked out.  Optimism prevails when we are willing to accept that evil exists all around, up close, and potentially within us each and every day.  Instead of looking afar or ignoring the up close and personal nature of evil you need to see it and look it straight in the eye and say, “No way!”

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Get involved or learn more about a cause that is fighting evil like Human Trafficking.
2. Remember, evil does not like the light of optimism.
3. Evil likes to hide just as Gadhafi was found in a hole in the ground; a “drainage culvert.”
4. We all have the potential for evil, and the only solution is to stay close to God through worship and daily prayer.
5. Every time you reach out and do something kind for someone less fortunate, you send evil on the run.
6. Remember evil wins when we conclude that we are hopeless and helpless in the face of oppression.  The events in Lybia clearly show that evil can be stood up to and defeated!

Optimism Born of Less Prisoners... Does Flogging = Less Pessimism?

Prisons are pessimistic places once thought to be the ideal setting to reform and retrain prisoners to lead a productive life after incarceration.  Instead they are an abyss of hopelessness and helplessness where inmates learn to be better criminals rather than better citizens.  So where can we find optimism in this set of circumstances?

It's Friday, and that means we have a fresh Podcast of Optimism for your listening pleassure!

In this week's podcast, we discuss a controversial new opinion by one Criminal Justice expert that submits giving certain criminals the option of being flogged instead of spending years in prision (2 lashes for every year sentenced, limited to a certain number of years...) would save nearly $60 billion/year, supposedly reduce crime and recividism, and keep criminals from enduring all kind of prison abuse.

While there may not seem to be an immediate link to optimism, we definitely come full ciricle...and you'll just have to listen to find out how!

Click here to listen to our 9th Podcast of Optimism!

Optimism versus Reality

By Dr. Russ

With all the negative or bad news being reported many ask how it is possible to stay optimistic.  The congress is in gridlock, unemployment is high, and a U.S. Representative from Arizona lies in a hospital bed under heavy sedation, with a bullet wound to her head sustained in an attempted assassination. 

Next Monday we celebrate the birthday of an American hero of Civil Rights assassinated in 1968.   Martin Luther King’s assassination in the spring of 1968 was the initial shock followed by aftershocks of race riots in the streets, the assassination of Presidential Candidate Bobby Kennedy two months later, and the late summer protests in Miami and Chicago, disrupting both national party presidential nominating conventions.

As I think back to those months of negative news, my first thought is, “We are still here.”  In January, every state Governor and the President himself will deliver a “State of the State” or “State of the Union” address to their respective electorates. 

George Washington delivered the first state of the Union address in 1790.  A careful look at his speech showed he faced many of the same problems we do today including a/an:

• Uncertain economy and need to shore up the “public credit.”
• Desire to stimulate a worldwide exchange of ideas, bringing the best to the US for further development.
• Need to determine what foreigners could be citizens.
• Need to maintain a military ready for war.
• Need to find a way to forge comprise among the different opinions in Congress.

The problems of yesterday get solved, but circumstances evolve and change and the problems resurface in a new form today.  "Reality" is what it is: a set of CIRCUMSTANCES with which we must deal and about which we must problem solve.  We do not get to choose Reality.  It is given to us.

We do CHOOSE OUR VIEW OF REALITY. We have a choice to feel or be overwhelmed by the CIRCUMSTANCES OF REALITY, become hopeless and helpless, OR to take action to solve the problems that reality gives us in every moment of everyday.

Actions that lead to the MASTERY OF REALITY are based in hope and a belief that overcoming a challenge is positive.  Such HOPE AND BELIEF is born of OPTIMISM.

OPTIMISM IS THE VIEW that allows us to believe that the problem is not only solvable, but gives us the courage to take the risk to solve it, the calling-up of untold and sometimes unrealized resources to solve the problem, and the energy to persist through every step of the problem solving process until the goal has been achieved.