By Dr. Russ
Monday is Dr. Russ Busster Day. Today I address the five fears that keep you stuck in a negative moment in the hope you can shed the fears and move to the positive side of the equation.
Fear of admitting to a negative moment
So many times we find ourselves not wanting to admit we are in a negative moment, because if we do, we will have to do something about it. Acknowledging the negative and doing something about it requires effort, energy, and possibly embarrassment. Much easier to pretend everything is just fine. “No worries.” I wonder if that isn’t what Joe Paterno was thinking when he failed to follow up with his superiors after making the initial report of child sexual abuse.
Fear of saying we are hopeless and helpless
In a series of studies conducted over two decades ago, psychologists found that those most in need of academic help were the least likely to seek it. The students with a C or less were much less likely to go to an academic help session than students with a B- in the course. It was concluded that the C or below students were much more likely to think of themselves as hopeless and helpless and to think everyone would think the same of them. Thus they avoided what they thought was such a public display of helplessness. Since the B students did not think of themselves this way they showed up in public to a help session.
Fear of letting go of belief we can’t control a situation
The moment we admit we can’t control something is the often the moment we find a solution to the problem. Why? Because we had been focusing on what we couldn’t control when there were solutions to the problem within our control. For example, as I write this blog I am feeling a time pinch. If I realize I can’t control time, but I can control how I use the time, I immediately stop being irritated and frustrated and get the words written.
Fear of responsibility of the positive
Psychologists have found that many fear success, because one success leaves you with an obligation to succeed again. We may not like all that pressure. Thinking negatively allows you to hide behind pessimism and say the goal or task is impossible so why try and risk failing. Thinking positively puts us in the position of having to try to accomplish our goal in order to justify the positive belief, but also leaves us vulnerable to risk of failure.
Fear of being thankful for what we have
If we stop to take stock of our many blessings and be thankful for we have, have accomplished or been given, we may fear that is all we will get. If we say, “Hey, thanks! That is just what I needed,” our needs are met and that may be all we get. But in the “Land of More” it is not what we need that we want, but – More and More!!!!